Low esteem syndrome, a bane to womanhood

Eucharia Oti

In the beginning, the Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” ( Gen.2: 18)  God indeed, fulfilled His promise to man, when He created Eve with a rib taken from the man (verse 22).

In chapter 3 of same Genesis, we read the account of the fall of man , and how the man and his ‘ suitable ‘ wife were driven out of the beautiful garden. 

I decided to give this introduction in order to open our eyes to what can happen to any woman, who is not independent minded. For the reason that,  Eve did not have a mind of her own, which is a product of low self esteem, to take a stand on what God told them, she became an easy prey to the serpent, and that brought a bitter end to their joy. God did not only chase them away from the beautiful garden, He also cursed them. What a tragedy!

Today, we still see women, who are  playing the very loose game Eve played. Many women  have lost their marriages because, they allowed themselves to be lured into behaviours that back fired and landed them into troubled water.

It is very regrettable that mature wives and mothers, allow themselves to be pushed around by their fellow women, in the name of friends , or cliques, because they want to be counted as belonging to what I call, a “ classless class.” I have always wondered  how a fellow woman will brain wash a fully matured woman to join a band of wagons, and she will gladly oblige. 

By the grace of God, I have been opportuned to belong to several women groups, both in the church and at community levels.; as a leader, or a member. It has been a thing of worry to me, when I see how supposed wives, and mothers, who run their own homes, put their virtues and dignity on the line because , they want to be counted as “ happening women “. I have asked myself so many unanswered questions on why, a woman will boldly support a wrong cause, not because she is convinced that she is fighting a good cause, but because, her friend(s) or relation are involved.

Maybe, I should take it sequentially for it to make more meaning.  Considering the cultural set up of some communities, intermarriage system has made it possible for people to have circles of  relations within the same community. A situation where a woman from village A, has issues with another from village B in a meeting, you will be surprised to see women from C and D villages, supporting the woman from Village B, who is obviously wrong. The only reason is that, they are related, either from the mother’s or grandmother ‘s side. Women no longer address issues based on its merit, but on who is involved. 

Women, who are Pastors, Ladies, Deacons, Ushers, and other religious titles, forget what God says about false witnessing. They forget about eternity, and are ready to dine with the Devil, in the course of defending a friend, or relation. Factions have emerged in associations and groups because of undue support coming from friends and relations . The irony of some of these one legged solidarity is that, most of the supporters do not know the genesis of the cause they are supporting. 

We also see same scene play out amongst women groups in  churches. It has been observed that women support personal agenda of some class of people in the church not necessarily because, it is a good cause, but because , they do not want to offend the powers that be, or they want to remain relevant in the corridors of power. 

In the same manner, some women have found themselves in very debasing positions because, they want to be like other women. Many women have nailed  themselves in the alter of indebtedness because, they want to belong to a “ classless class.” They buy Aso ebi they know very well that they cannot pay for, just because they  either do not want to offend their friend, or, they want to belong.

From the observations above, and having studied some of these Women, I have come to an  inescapable conclusion that, it is low esteem syndrome that is ravaging womanhood. When a woman cannot stand firm, and independently take a decision on whatever she does, then, that woman can be described as a willing tool, in the hand of mischief makers. When a woman allows another woman, in the guise of a friend to run her home for her, such woman should be suffering from acute low esteem.  When a woman lacks safe confidence, and depends on follow- follow, then she has missed it. Many women have put their children in exotic schools, against the wish of their husbands because, their friends children are there. Some have insisted on their children studying abroad, without considering the financial strenght of the family because, her friends children are studying abroad. 

When a woman is not independent minded, then, her mind is subject to manipulations. That is the only reason that will make a female adult to dance a shameful dance of solidarity, over a negative cause. That is the only reason she will live her home in the hand of a total stranger, in the guise of a friend. 

As I said in the beginning, it was because of low esteem, which is the product of lack of independent mindedness and confidence , that made Eve to fall to the tricks of the Devil, which led to her expulsion from the beautiful garden, with everlasting curse as an icing. 

I therefore, call on all women , to take a look back on the role God gave us as home builders. Proverbs 14: 1 says, “The wise woman build her home, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” This infers that, it is only foolish Women, that indulge in all the vices mentioned above; and that is why such homes are never at peace. The wise ones that build their homes are the independent minded ones. Those who do what they do because, it came from within them, not because , they want to follow one misleading foot step. 

To run away from this negative life style, every woman should try and get herself busy. It is only when you are idle that the devil will offer you to the hands of mischief makers. Proverbs 31 also illustrated to us, the full picture of a wise woman. Diligence in all things is the magic wand. Your brain thinks of positive ideas when it is positively engaged.

I, therefore call on my fellow women again, to jettison those friends that will make us to fall. Most importantly, be yourself. It is better you take a wrong decision all by yourself, than be pushed into it by another person. Remember, your daughters are watching you closely. Their antennas are well connected so they hear everything. Do not be one of those who tear their own homes down, rather, be a home builder. When you are in the right track, you do not need any pulpit to win souls  for Christ. This is because, your inner character will be made manifest , and people will like to emulate you for good. That is what is called, “ Agwabumma.”

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Barr. George Moses Onwuchekwa

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