Family as we know, is the bedrock of the society. This simply implies that, the foundation of whatever happens out there, is laid at the family level. When a child is born, the first phase of his life lies in the hands of his parents. The parents, and immediate family members automatically become the driver of the naive passenger, who does not know his right, nor his left. If the parents decides to put him in the Sheep Pen, that child will begin to behave like a sheep.
If he is raised in an abusive home, where the life of his mother is at the mercy of an abusive ( father ) husband, that male child may grow up to become an abusive husband. Same is applicable to the girl child. A girl child raised by a wayward mother , may end up not making a good wife.
Sometimes, by the grace of God, we may see children from such faulty backgrounds, turn out responsible parents, but it is only by the grace of God as l said earlier. The simple reason for this is because, children easily learn from what they See, their every day observations of life becomes the mirror with which they see life; than what they are thought. That is called precept. A child’s life is basically influenced by His family, since the family is the child’s primary social group. I read about a girl child, who cried hard, when she watched her friend’s Dad celebrate her mother with so much love on her birthday. When asked why she was crying, she said , she wished her parents will be like this. That her father has made life so unbearable for her mum, that she swore not to marry, if this is what marriage is all about. The story of this young girl, is one, out of so many. The question is, what positive contribution will a child raised under abusive home make to the community ?
As I said earlier, humans rely more on learning as we grow, either by direct teaching, or precept, because since we are born “ empty “, we have to learn, or pick up behavioural threats from our first environment, which is the family. We should also note that, a child’s development is centred on his physical, emotional, intellectual and social prowess.
- The development of a child can be likened to using a weak foundation to build a high rise building. The tendency of the building collapsing won’t be a surprise. A child that is denied of a right upbringing from the cradle is prone to suffer physical, emotional, intellectual, and social traumas. You will agree with me that children found in this status will find it more difficult to be successful in relationships, work, business, etc. Indeed, the importance of family in the life of a growing child cannot be over emphasised. Therefore, it remains the responsibility of the family to shapen, and influence a child in cultural values, skills, security, and socialization, during the developmental process of a child. Let us examine them individually;
CULTURAL VALUES
Cultural values and ethos are norms widely acknowledged in Igboland, to which every child born in our community, should ascribe to. Public respect, integrity, dignity, honesty, uprightness, morality, etc should be the guiding principles of the lives of our children. We have noted earlier, that no one is birthed with these virtues. We only learn from our parents, and environments, as we grow. Children are very observant, as I mentioned earlier. It is what they see in the lives of their parents, and relations in line with these life principles they adopt as a way of life. Ndi Igbo turu ilu si, “ nne ewu n’ata ahihia, nwaya, ana ele ya anya “(When the she-goat is shewing the cud, the kid is watching). E.g. A child whose father, or mother misappropriates community funds, and justifies it, will surely replicate such attitude in school because, he has grown to see embezzlement of public funds as a way of life.
We should also understand that, the rated movies we allow our growing children to watch, pollutes the minds of these young people therefore, eroding the values, and ethos implanted in their minds.
- As a father, or mother, what positive role have you played in the life of your children, that will enable them make positive impact in our community Arochukwu ?
- When donations are made in the church, and community, do you participate, or do you find everything wrong with it ?
SKILLS
Once a child is born, they start learning different skills. E.g., mobile skills, language skills, emotional skills, etc. This is what we call Hidden Curriculum.
- Mobile skills, is largely the family’s responsibility. Even if your child is in day care, the work that parents put in at home to teach these skills is much more effective than the few hours your child is under someone else’s care. Your child will learn how to sit up, walk, run, climb, hold a spoon, and so on. These seem so natural to us as adults, but they are skills that have to be fine-tuned at a very young age, and they also reinforce your child’s independence which is essential for their development.
I have seen children that cannot feed themselves at the age of 8. This is because, they were not thought to do things for themselves. Children of 12 to 14year or even more, pee on their beds at school. The simple reason is because, children now wear diapers to 5 years and more. How can a child who pees, and poos, on his/her body for the greater part of her first stage in life, change over night.
Language skills are another essential component of the role of family in child development. If you do not speak to your child and teach them your language, they will never learn. We all know the problem ndi Igbo is facing today. Our children born even here in the village find it difficult to speak Igbo language because, we, the parents did not teach them. We are all guilty of this .So, teaching your children language skills from a young age is also essential to child development.
- EMOTIONAL SKILLS
- Another skill that is very important for child development is emotion. Emotional skills are important throughout your child’s entire life as they teach them empathy, sympathy ,and compassion for others as well as teach them how to deal with the ups and downs that come with life. If your child does not have proper emotional skills, they will not be able to deal with issues of life. If they lack emotional skills, it could lead to destructive choices when they are older.
- To help develop your child’s emotional skills, teaching them to smile and wave when they are babies is a good place to start. When they get a bit older, teaching them to share is very important, and also to say “ thank you “ showing appreciation when someone gives them a gift. In a family, there are multiple people, the family can be very helpful in developing a child’s skills with the multiple perspectives, ndi Igbo si, “ otu onye anaghi azu nwa“.
SOCIALIZATION
When you bring your child home for the first time, your family automatically becomes their first social group, and parents, their first teachers.
What your children learns through the interactions between you and them is what they will carry for the rest of their lives, as regards how to treat others. Through this socialization with family, your child will learn how trust, make friends, and discuss issues .Frequent family meetings also give children direction on how to solve problems on the round table, instead of taking to protest. Face-to-face interactions is critical in a child’s development. It helps to correct at home, facial expressions, certain tones of voice, and reactions, in cases of arguments. Parents that do not socialise may find it difficult to direct their children in this area.
SECURITY
Your children gets their primary sense of security from the family. They rely on you to make sure their basic needs, such as shelter, food, and clothing, are met. Some mothers go to market or farm in the morning without giving their children breakfast. It is very wrong because, a hungry child can steal to quench his hunger.And once he succeeds in one outing, he may grow up becoming a thief; and as we all know, a thief has no positive contribution to any community.
It is very important for parents to always recognise the needs of their children; and also how each child presents his/ her request. This is essential because, everyone expresses themselves in different ways, and children are not different.
THE NEXT ARO GENERATION THERE PLACE IN COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT
Having said all these, how are our Aro compatriots bringing in our children to the development of Aro Kingdom? If we are observant, we would have noticed that all donations in Aro, from villages, churches, and Aro as a whole, are still majorly done by our old fathers, and mothers, I mean, “ the old school parents” we are yet to see our internet generation on the stage of Aro developmental projects.
Drawing inference from my discuss above, it simply mean that we, the parents should play a huge part in laying foundation for future Aro developmental projects, by bringing our children, to watch us, while we chew the curd of community development; by educating them on the need to give for community development, and as well invite them to be part of Aro events.
When they are invited, they should also be given attention. This will act as a trigger to release their donations. If we invite them, and leave them standing by the fence, we may not know when they will disappear, and maybe, never to come back. Some may erroneously think that their children should not be giving, when they are as well in the centre stage of giving. The question is, if you did not teach your children the concept of giving, what is the possibility that they will eventually start giving, when you are no longer there ?
Raising children can sometimes be very difficult, but it can also be very rewarding. Every effort we put in raising our children is to make them responsible citizens, who will bring development to our homes, and community.
Be a partaker of God’s abundant blessings, as you teach your children how to give, so that when they grow up, they will bring development for our homes, and community. Ndeewoo nu Aro Okeigbo !
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