“A little wrong-doing is moral decline in motion”
– Stephanie Mohan
Happy Easter to all Umu Aro wherever you may domicile. Easter as we know, is a period of reflection . It is the time we remember the love Christ showed mankind, when he made the supreme sacrifice on our behalves. It is a time when families come together to celebrate the Risen Christ.
Talking about family, what is family all about ? Family as we know, is all about love, care, bound, relationship, and continuity. Family is the root, foundation, and bedrock of the society. This simply infers that, there wouldn’t have been anything called the society, if the family does not exist.
Family Structure
A look at the five basic family structures that are common to us, will enable us X-ray the roles families play, that contributed, and still contributing to the moral decadence our today’s society is suffering.
1. The nuclear family.
The nuclear family comprises of the father, mother, and children. It is also known as Elementary family. Here, the raising/training of the children born by husband and wife/wives in the case of a polygamous family, lies directly on the parents. They owe their children that sole responsibility of physical, spiritual, and mental training; that should turn them out as responsible citizens, that will make positive impacts to the society.
2. Single Parent
In this case, the responsibility of all- round training of the child(ren) solely rests on either the man, or woman as the case may be. The likely reasons for single parenting range from: death, divorce, health, or out of wedlock.
3. Blended Families ( Step- Families)
These are families, where a divorced man, and a divorced woman; re-marry , and live together with the children they had in their previous marriages, and the ones they had together, as a family.
4. Grandparents Family
This is in some cases, where the responsibility of raising/ training children falls back to the grandparents for some reasons as : death, divorce, job, relocation, and domestic violence.
5. Extended Family
Extended family is a coming together, a collation, a melting point of all family members. From uncles to Aunties, nephews, nieces, cousins, etc.
As I said earlier, every human that makes up the society emanated from any of this family structures. Therefore, when the larger society cries woe to the devastating evils ravaging the society today, there is need to think back, and ask that sincere question, “how did I raise my children ?” Is it possible that the type of training I gave to my children is any means contributory to the moral decay in the society today ?” I can say for free, that no sane parents can consciously open their mouths to tell their children to become drug addicts. No sane parents can consciously open their mouths to tell their children to drop out of school, go and get pregnant, steal, or get indulged in any manner of vices. However, many parents have indirectly told them same, by the way they raised them.
The pertinent questions here are : If no sane parents can directly take such a nose dive in the cause of raising their children;
– why is our society stinking with all manner of evils, and our streets filled with many uncouth juveniles ?
– Why do we have many teens, and even under teens, out there without any oita of decorum, nor home training?
– Why do we have many school drop- outs roaming our streets ?
– Why have drug addiction almost become a norm amongst ordinary Secondary school students? Talk about those in the tertiary Institutions, those ones are “ the mother” of them all.
– Why has teenage pregnancies suddenly become a competition ?
– Why has domestic chores become alien to the girl child ?
– Why has infidelity become a norm in marriages?
Too many Whys to seek answers from.
Trying to get answers to these multiple Whys, the ball is thrown back to the family court.
The Family Roles In Societal Decadence
I want to believe that many of us grew up to know that, raising a child does not necessarily end in feeding and clothing that child. Or, sending the child to school, and paying the necessary fees. It goes beyond that . A child can eat the best meals, wear the best clothes, go to the best schools, get the best holidays, but ends up a moral decadent. A skyscraper built without the requisite foundation, is a tsunami waiting to happen. The collapse is always colossal.
The Bible says, “ foolishness abounds in the heart of a child ; but the rod of correction drives it far from him “. ( Prov 22: 15). Same Prov 22:6 says, “ Train up a child in the way he should go; when he is old , he will not depart from it “. These are two very vital spiritual formulas for raising children, which many families have consciously, or unconsciously thrown into the abyss of no return.
Money, and wealth has taken over as the tools for raising children. Physical discipline, which the Bible advocates is now seen as punishment/ hatred/wickedness / infringement on a child’s right. Our people now copy the Western world’s “ child right “, where parents do not have the right to scold, by way of correction, or flog a child when necessary. Go and ask parents over there what they are going through in the hands of their little children. It is now, the right of the children to call the police on their parents for trying to correct them.
Now in Nigeria, parents go to the schools, even in Church Sunday Schools, to harass teachers who dare flog their children. ( As much as , physical abuse of a child in the name of correction is highly condemnable, because, these are two different kettles of fish; it does not remove discipline from the religious, and cultural curriculum of child raising.
From the family structures outlined above, it is obvious that the “ child ruin”, instead of raising, starts from the home front, and migrates to the society.
In some homes, parents have their preferred child(ren); to most of them, that preferred child is never wrong, sometimes shielded even from doing house chores. In some cases, mothers vehemently forbid their husbands to discipline their erring children; for some funny reasons like; she carried the child nine months in her womb. And some of these ridiculous utterances come from mothers who received thorough home training. Some fathers are also not left out in this dirty business of spoiling their children with too much money in the name of training/ love. Nothing stops the application of the two ( carrot and stick) in moderation.
Most times, these children grow up with such negative notion that whatever they do is right. Unfortunately, like in the manner of a transferred aggression; they now take such anomaly behaviors to school, place of work/ business, even into marriage ; and becomes public nuisance in any environment they find themselves. Tell me an environment that will remain same, when a couple of such home ruined children find themselves there.
It is right we understand that children don’t wake up one morning and turn to juveniles. We acknowledge the fact that some parents worked hard to sow good seeds in the lives of their children ; but the enemy called peer pressure came and sow thorns, while they slept. However, the truth is that, such children are easily redeemed, than those ones whose lives were left empty with both physical and spiritual impartation. A close look will surely show where the rot started. Most parents think that the only way to show a child love, or get him/her to stop crying is to give that child any chewable, or drinkable he points at. In a while, that cry may turn to blackmail ; if you don’t give me chocolate, I will cry, since you don’t want him / her to cry, you will keep giving, until the child graduates to higher demands . Please dear parents, and grandparents, let that child cry. I have not heard before that a child died because he/she cried. If you make your children believe that they can get whatever they want, then, get your handkerchiefs ready because, it will get to your turn to cry.
I hear that they are parents who pay “ human machines” to wash their children’s clothes in the University because; they were not used to washing while at home. That sounds “interesting “ isn’t it ? These are parents, who went through the rudiments of physical and spiritual parental discipline, turning their own children to lame ducks, and societal nuisance.
I do not want to talk about the children of some politicians. I say some because, I know that we still have some human politicians out there, who still have their hearts beating in their chests. For the other category, whose hubbies are cash stalking, please do not envy them because ; most of their children have turned to colossal decadents in foreign lands because of insatiable accumulation of public funds by their parents. What positive impact, will children, who were raised by conscience- impaired parents make to the society? All of us are witnesses to what is happening currently in our electoral system. Tell me what child born by these political Wolves; will have anything good to bring to the political table of the society during their own time. Most times, they turn out worst than their fathers.
Children, who never did anything for themselves all their lives. Some of these conscience- deficient Politicians are even bold to tell it to our faces that, “ their generations will never be poor again “. Why I said that you should not envy them is because, if you look around you, wherever you are domicile, you may have seen the end of such generations.
Children whose father stalked public funds for, what are they going to do in the classroom? Even if they try, of what use is it stressing their brains in the name of studying, when they have variety of currencies stalked in their chest of drawers. What kind of business do they want to stress their unperturbed life’s for? The only business they eventually know how to do very well is to sell off those properties, to those, who received home training, and excelled in their various carriers; while they continue on their spending spree, until their is nothing left to spend. You and I, can gaze what will be their end.
As growing children the best they can do for themselves is to open mouth and accept food, because most of them are been fed to the mouth to age of 8, and even wear diapers to the age of six, if not more. As adults, the best they can do, is to give themselves a bath because, human machines, in the name of maids “choke” let me borrow this contemporary slag.
For those whose fathers joined politics midway, and hit money; they forget so fast where they are coming from.
For some trained by single parents under any guise; you do not need to look far before you know them. Some of them become morally bankrupt early in life because of a misplaced priority, in the name of parental love. In the bid to cover up for the love of the absent spouse, they take in every trash their children throws at them, until the children they are working hard to please becomes incorrigible, and a dangerous torn in their flesh. Yet, we have seen widows, who trained their children, without anyone of them, slipping out of their hands.
For the children raised under blended families, they have their own bout of challenges to grapple with, which eventually robs off on the larger society. For example, many of these children, especially the girl- child are faced with different levels of abuses from their stepfathers, and stepbrothers. We have heard stories where stepfathers impregnated their stepdaughters. One can imagine what will become the fate of children born under such circumstances.
Just as the society has not being treated fairly by parents from these family structures, some grandparents also, have lost sight of their grandchildren under their care; thereby, turning them to societal disaster. Regrettably, in a bid to pamper a grandchild, some grandparents can unintentionally, put question marks on the lives of their grandchildren. How ? One may ask . I have seen grandmas, who did not allow their granddaughters to do domestic chores as growing children because, there are maids. They just focused on their books, and nothing more. Sure, they did well in their studies, but because they left home in time, there was no time to learn the domestic rudiments to run a home.
Eventually, they got married to wealthy husbands. However, one was sent back to Naija to get some home / domestic training for six months, before going back to her marriage. She was fortunate because her husband was considerate. But the other one was not as fortunate as her, and the marriage crashed. Today, we read a lot from social media, how newly married wives, cannot prepare simple meals. When the wife ( babe ) is unable to prepare meals, , is it the husband ( babe) that can ? Sometimes, some people want to turn it to “ gender issue “. The truth is that, some mothers, and grandmothers have failed womanhood. Just as some fathers, and grandfathers have also failed the society. They need to apologize to these innocent children, and they society at large.
In conclusion, there is urgent need, for the custodians of God’s special gifts to mankind ( children), the parents , cum grandparents, to return to status quo ante. The Bible stipulations of raising children which our parents imbibed remains the best. Couples quarrel and fight in the presence of their children, and these children will erroneously believe it is a way of life. When they marry, they want to practice same. I over heard a small Primary School boy one day, threatening to beat up another girl, in the same age bracket; In his words, “ I will beat you, the way my Daddy beats my Mummy”. You can see how family pushes out delinquents to the society.
A word for parents who likely thinks that luxurious lifestyle is the only way you can show love to your children, note that, whenever that money stopped coming as fast as before, tendencies for undue pressure from that child will surely set in. The end is what you may not determine.
Maybe, we do not know that, there are men, whether by hook, crook, or genuine means, made this money, but made up their minds to train their children in the right way, so that they will become responsible citizens; which they actually became?
The society will not be in this decay, if the families play their individual roles well. What do you think that the children of some of our Politicians will become in future? Whether in Politics or in the secular society? They cannot conform to any set rules because, the world for them; is “ grab it by all means . Such children watching their parents tell blatant lies, and making so much money from it; converting a whole State’s funds to private use without blinking an eye? Children, who knows that one of the pet of office their fathers enjoy is free girls, it only takes the special grace of God for them to do it right in marriage, or the society.
The Motto of Diocese of Lagos Mainland ( Anglican Communion) says; “. Fear God, Do It Right, and Flourish “.
I believe, if the parents, cum families should apply this all encompassing formula in the raising of their children, our society, will surely be a much more better place because; as Stephanie Mohan said,
“ A little wrong-doing is moral decline in motion”.
Think Wise- Maka Echi
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